Sitting in a tree
by sinj
Summary: Snape and Sinistra sitting in a tree... now how in the world did they get up there? A little comic tale.
1. Sitting in a tree

Disclaimer: Snape, Sinistra and all the wonderful characters of the HP world do not belong to me sigh. However anything that you read below that isn't in HP world has, in all likelihood, stemmed from my fevered imagination.

With a sigh that grew from the very soles of her feet, Auriga Sinistra cautiously peered through the thick foliage to the ground below. Her shoulders sagged as she realised that she couldn't really tell much from her perch high in the air. Around her she could hear the loud chirruping of birds.

She exhaled noisily and squirmed from side to side, trying to ease the numbness of her posterior. At this she felt a rather bony elbow stick itself, not so accidentally, into her side. Summoning her best glare, the one usually reserved for mass murderers, she turned to glower at the owner of the offending elbow.

She did not, however, expect her scowl to be met with a loud guffaw of laughter. She felt her cheeks heat, first with confusion, then with embarrassment. Schooling her features into one she hoped conveyed her annoyance, she became even more indignant when the guffaws turned into bellows of mirth. Severus Snape's body was shaking so much from laughing that he lost his purchase and would have fallen had it not been for an angrily extended hand from Auriga Sinistra.

The shock of having almost fallen somewhat tempered his amusement and he recovered enough to secure his seat. Turning to face Auriga the humour overtook him and he had to wipe the tears that were collecting at the corners of his eyes. Feeling a bit generous after her assistance preventing an ungainly tumble, he took pity on her and removed a bird's nest that had newly taken up residence in the tangle that passed as her hair.

Wincing slightly as a rightly incensed mother swatern pecked at his hand, he gently laid the bundle of twigs in a nearby branch before turning to face Auriga once more with a hint of a smirk on his lips and was greatly amused to see his colleague cross her arms tightly in a huff.

"Really Auriga, anyone would think that you were a twelve-year old."

Resisting the urge to stick her tongue out at him, Auriga decided her best response would to ignore him. After a few moments of pointed silence, she notched up a minor victory as Snape spoke again.

"Ah yes, the silent treatment, highly effective on girls aged about nine, but just sad when attempted by a fifty year old witch. Don't you think?"

Inwardly fuming at his age jibe, Auriga maintained her silence and was rewarded as Snape felt compelled to speak again,

"Anyway, you can't surely blame me for the bird nest falling into your hair, nor my reaction upon seeing you crowned with your own personal dawn chorus. Next you'll be telling me that it's my fault that we're stuck in this tree."

At the sharp look he received Severus scored himself a point, then added another to his tally as a look of frustration passed across her face as she realised her reaction.

Further point-scoring flew out the window as an unhealthy creaking sound reached their ears. As one they looked, first at each other, then at the bough joint, as the noise grew both in volume and pitch. Instinctively they scrambled towards the trunk, but before either managed to move more than a few inches, they found their support vanished beneath them and all there was to do was to yell out in an alarmed fashion as they hurtled towards the ground.

a/n: So is this worth continuing? There is more, but I'd like to know that someone's going to read it before I post… review! review!


	2. Gnomes

Disclaimer: It all belongs to J.K. Rowling, and will she share? No. Rather rude if you ask me.

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Murmuring incoherently Auriga briefly wondered when she had charmed her ceiling to be covered with thousands of miniscule fluttering leaves. Whilst she thought about that, she also wondered why her back was damp and when she had bought grass scented candles. Deciding that it was far too much effort to figure out the whims of her own mind she closed her eyes and tried to drift back to sleep.

Barely five seconds later, she popped them wide open as she was vigorously shaken by a strong arm grasping her shoulder.

"Whaa...???"

"Come on, you cross-eyed twit, we need to move!"

"Huh? Whaa? Where are we?"

Opting that the enlightening conversation he was about to have with Sinistra could be postponed until her single solitary brain cell stopped bouncing against the walls of her skull, Severus picked up the dazed stargazer and slung her over his shoulder. Ignoring the muffled shrieks that the struggling female professor was making, he set off at a rapid pace to find another non-lethal tree to seek refuge in.

After ten minutes of pummelling Snape's back Auriga took a break to consider her options. Following a further minute of yogic breathing she had calmed sufficiently to remember that they were currently hiding from a horde of marauding broom-wielding gnomes. The brooms triggered a memory of a muggle musical show that she had seen recently where muggles had used brooms and other objects to make music and dance. She shook her head lightly to focus. These gnomes were finding an altogether different use for their brooms and had been mercilessly clobbering anyone in their path.

Normally angry gnomes weren't a problem, what with them being around three inches tall and their brooms sized accordingly. The only time it became a serious issue was when a group of them got together, twenty determined gnomes could easily overpower an adult and cause grievous injuries. At the last count, this particular group of gnomes had swelled in number to about a hundred thousand. Hence the urgent need to find somewhere to hide.

Obviously, when fleeing from three-inch maniacs and being surrounded by trees, the sensible option would be to climb up high and wait for the party to pass on by. However, when in the Forbidden forest you had to be a tad more choosy about the tree you sought refuge in. Otherwise, instead of facing a scrawny fifteen cm bundle of rage armed with what was essentially a twig, you'd pretty quickly find yourself dealing with an incensed 20ft hulk of wood intent on snuffing your tiny light out.

Finding her current position, jarring along face down into Snape's back, most uncomfortable Auriga tried to get herself let down, only to find her struggles causing a tightening of Snape's iron grip around her waist. Realising that drastic times called for drastic measures she did what she had to do to get his attention. Taking a deep breath, she brought her hands over her head, reached down

...and pinched his bum.

Severus screeched to a halt, standing stock-still and erect as his brain processed what had just happened.

Rejoicing that her head was no longer being buffeted against Snape's angular back, Auriga manoeuvred to a position where her robes no longer suffocated her and felt immediately dizzy as blood rushed from her head to her toes. Pushing back from a still shocked Snape she lowered herself carefully to the ground, and once secure in her stance, looked into the Potion Master's eyes smirking.

"Really Severus, weren't you the one who said that we had to get moving?"

"Huh?"

Laughing delightedly she grabbed his hand firmly and pulled him along dragging him behind her as she stored the expression on his face into her 'cheer-me-up' bank for later use.

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a/n: Any good? Hit the blue / purple button and review! 


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